The Difficulty of Church Discipline Today
Church discipline is a difficult doctrine for the Church
today. In many places, the church behaves more like a business seeking
customers than a family. Discipline happens naturally within a family. Healthy
families have behavior expectations, patterns, traditions, and discipline for
when those expectations are not met. Businesses just have rules to ensure they
get and retain the most customers.
This is one reason why the church is hurting in the West.
Even if church discipline is employed, it usually ends with the person at the
center of the controversy leaving the church to head down the street rather
than growing and getting back to successful life and service in the body.
One place where such sin is rarely confronted is among those
whose relational patterns are especially destructive. Narcissists, bullies,
manipulators, gossips, and other sinful patterns are ignored rather than dealt
with in the Church. These people are left excluded and unable to grow because
it is easier to avoid them than deal with them.
Abuse Is Not Permissible in the Church
We must be very clear: abuse is not permissible within the
Church. This includes all forms of manipulation, coercion, bullying, threats,
or violence. Of course, this is very common in human relationships, owing to
our sin nature. It is more challenging because it is our desire to see damaged
people heal. It is comparable to zombie movies. How can one heal the zombies
and not get eaten alive? I have seen so many of the caregiver types consumed by
zombies. There are ways to cure a zombie, but it is never to let them eat your
brains.
This requires wisdom and sensitivity. Prayerful
consideration of each individual and circumstance. The believer must be wise as
a serpent and innocent as a dove. (Matthew 10:16) One does not achieve this
easily. But Galatians 6:1–4 still provides the needed instruction. The abusive
believer is every bit as ensnared in sin as the one caught in adultery, theft,
or drunkenness.
The Biblical Pattern for Correction
First, the prerequisite: to be spiritual. The one giving
help must be walking by means of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16) And the fruit of
the Spirit is the needed character. (Galatians 5:22–23)
Second, the purpose: restoration. The goal is not to get rid
of this person, but to see changed behavior. This means that the best good of
the offending brother is what is in view. (Galatians 6:1)
Third, the means: gentleness. While hard realities must be
faced, and uncomfortable truths must be told, no one needs a gruff,
loud-mouthed, or rude delivery. Sensitivity is the most important thing when
addressing sinful behaviors. (Galatians 6:1)
Fourth, the warning: humility. There are many who love to
offer correction out of vanity. There are many who thrive on argumentative
arrogance. They are deep in their own sin and are qualified to help nobody.
Humility is a chief characteristic of one who seeks to give godly correction.
(Galatians 6:3–4)
Christlike Care Is Supernatural
Christlike care for others is supernatural; it is only
possible for the person who is born again (John 3:16), abiding in Christ (John
15:1–4), and walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16). It is not motivated by
self-interest, but by interest in the best good of the other person.
Most people mistake love for tolerance or niceness. But
these are not loving behaviors in this case. Placating and marginalizing the
sinning brother only makes his sin situation worse. It is the most self-loving,
hateful response possible. It reduces the other person to being an
inconvenience to minimize. Perhaps it is rooted in a belief that the issue will
not change. This is actually a lack of faith in God’s ability to grow, redeem,
and transform His saints. (Romans 12:2)
To risk conflict and love a person enough to share in this
struggle is the ultimate Christlike expression of sacrifice. To share the truth
about their manipulative behavior is loving, so they can see and correct it,
but not to ever allow them to use their tactics on you is the only way for them
to experience any growth and healing. And it is the most loving thing to do.
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