Get Used to Disappointment

 

The Reality of Disappointment

Disappointment can be the source of some of the greatest pain in life. It starts with an expectation. That expectation can be reasonable or absurd. It hardly matters. Something was supposed to turn out differently.

The faithful friend that fails in the moment of greatest need. This or that system or company shows that there are always remainders, miscalculations, and failures. The doctor's error that puts a man in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

There can be no question that Westley's advice to Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride is good for everybody: “Get used to disappointment.”

Optimism as a Response

What is the proper response to this rampant disappointment in life?

Humanity has developed a few philosophies to answer this question. Optimism is the choice to see things as positively as possible. One of the greatest proponents of this perspective, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, wrote its greatest defense in his book The Power of Positive Thinking.

This philosophy has much to commend it. The fact that there will always be disappointment shouldn't lead to a life of negativity and complaint. Why choose to be the victim when the choice to hope for the best in everything is free? Allowing the frustrating events of this life to dictate a miserable existence is almost nonsensical.

The Challenge of Reality

Then Voltaire's Candide comes in to ruin the day. For those who haven't enjoyed this masterwork of creativity, it examines an early form of positivism and points out that such a choice leads to a life of naivety and foolishness.

An unwillingness to deal with the tough realities of life will bring us to ultimate ruin because we are living at odds with reality rather than dealing with the truth honestly.

The pessimist makes the choice to armor-plate himself against the pain of being disappointed by refusing to expect that anything will ever go well. This person is now protected against the depression and pain of being let down and can be simply delighted by the odd occasion when things go right.

Modern culture has favored optimism, and pessimism doesn't seem to get a fair shake. The pessimist is the one who sees where things may go wrong and keeps us from making errors. It can be great to have a grouchy old codger around to let everyone know when there is no hope of success. Of course, this person can go overboard and be too grouchy, or prevent anything from happening.

However, the pessimist who knows that something will go wrong with the car is the one who gets a tune-up and an oil change and reduces the chances of a breakdown, where an optimist may never think of it.

Choose Your Philosophy

Ok. Now choose! Will you be an optimist or a pessimist?

One imaginary option is hilarious. The person who says they are a “realist,” which means they think that they are able to tell what is realistically going to happen and they work from that.

This is funny because everyone thinks they are a realist. They are dealing with the most effective way to work with reality, hopes, and expectations.

The truth is that most people are neither committed to optimism nor pessimism as a philosophy. When we didn't sleep well, or the day is just “off,” we are pessimistic. When things are going well, we are optimistic. We just move through life letting our mood or physical health dictate our viewpoint on the world.

Repeated disappointment in a certain person keeps us from being able to hope they are capable of better. The fact that you have loved every other season of a certain show makes you optimistic about the next one.

This is how it works for me most of the time. If I am feeling okay, I am very excited for just about anything. If things are going wrong, or I am tired or sick, nothing could possibly go right enough.

A Biblical Perspective on Disappointment

Now for a biblical consideration of this issue.

The challenge begins with the perspective. Optimism and pessimism are both philosophies that are based upon the person as the central point of focus. The Bible gives us a new perspective.

God is the Creator of all and the Sovereign over all, as well as the only One qualified to judge everything. God created everything, and His expectations were perfectly met—He declared it all “good” (Genesis 1:31).

He stated His expectations to Adam, and those expectations were disappointed at the Fall. Clearly, God was not taken by surprise, yet neither do we see God rolling His eyes and saying, “I knew this was going to happen.”

Rather, in Genesis 3, God clearly states the results of Adam and Eve's choice to rebel against Him (Genesis 3:16–19). Genesis 3:15 also gives the first hint that He will provide salvation from the eternity of this curse (Genesis 3:15).

Trusting the Right Object

Optimism and pessimism both miss the point.

Expectations placed upon what the Lord has promised in His Word will never be disappointed. A person can be eternally sure. Expectations placed upon people and circumstances are necessarily less reliable. Putting too much faith in a person, church, government, or organization will eventually bring disappointment.

It is a form of idolatry—trusting in the creature rather than the Creator (Romans 1:25).

If our faith is placed centrally and entirely upon the Lord, we will never be disappointed. This gives us the ability to hold all other expectations with a wise and healthy outlook that hopes for the best but is not crushed when those expectations are disappointed.

The simple and obvious choice is to trust Jesus Christ in all things.